The Feast of Mystery

“It’s a feast!” Since when have those been calming words? I can just imagine Garrison Keillor scripting an entire “Lake Wobegon” monologue about the disdain his practical Lutheran neighbors would have for a feast as it could be interpreted as overindulgent and gluttonous. It would be more prudent to be practical and cut back on the choices and the servings and opt to have a potluck instead of a catered feast. The elders might even try to have “Babette’s Feast” banned from the Wobegon video stores to protect the youth from bad influence and films with subtitles. “It’s a feast!” Calming???

In our faith tradition, during Communion, we tear our own serving from the broken bread as it is passed from person to person. And there is much thought and concentration trying to find the best place to tear the bread that will result in a moderate, safe serving. During the Worship service for our Women’s Retreat, I faced the precarious position of tearing off more than a respectable portion. I was aghast at the piece in my hand. It was huge! My eyes involuntarily gave away my shock as they widened to the size of saucers and I looked in panic to the ones who had handed me the bread. Who better to have at hand than two ordained ministers (I guess some people need more help than others). I was frozen. What was I supposed to do with all that was in front of me? I faced my own liberal serving, the loaf of bread, the Communion cup and the need to share with the next person. “Pass the bread,” Anne offered as guidance. I obediently took the loaf and turned to share with the person on my left. I fumbled with words of “This is the body broken for you.” Then I turned back to confront my circumstance of how to address this random act of plenty. Anne looked into my eyes and spoke words of simple authority. “It’s a feast!” I calmed down immediately. How many times had she encouraged us to take a generous portion? I dipped the bread into the cup, took my first bite, swallowed, and offered the cup to the next: “This is the cup of Salvation,” I could say with more assurance. Then I returned to my feast, and couldn’t help but notice that I was still engaged with the Eucharist as the elements finished across the room. But I didn’t rush and I no longer felt embarrassed. I was nourished.

Perhaps the hiatus is an extension of this experience. Whether the correlation has more to do with the act of reaching for more, or being offered a reserve for a journey is still a mystery, but I am thankful for my guides along the way.

Hymn of Promise

What a job you have done! Like a gardener you have given space for seedlings to grow, grounded in rich nutrients. Practiced hands have shaped and pruned, protection has been offered from harsh elements, shared study recommended further counsel, and affirmations of love have been spoken continually. Imagine the growth in such an incubator! As living proof you've helped raise seminary students, young adult volunteers, mission workers for local and global needs, youth who get up before 6am on a Saturday to help feed the homeless, and a loving congregation that visits and offers prayers, putting their own needs aside.

I don't even pretend to be one of those industrious partners of action, but if I have found the strength to step out in faith, if I have found the courage to seek the mystery, and if I have found the will to make it happen, then I only have you to thank! It truly is a testament to the abundance of support and love that I carry with me. I have a knapsack of treasures; I can feel the weight of the saints, and a song to pass the time.

Hymn of Promise by Natalie Sleeth
In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.
There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me.
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see….

I also know where I can find a warm bowl of soup, a hug to feel arms around me, and a reminder to whom I belong. There is also a bit of trepidation with the hiatus. I am reminded of so many who have been given an unexpected offering of time – only to find that was ultimately a timely gift as family needs and health required unprecedented concentration and attendance. I will find times when I need that bowl of soup, a hug, and a reminder that God provides, and I hope to find that always with you.

As one who can argue with myself unmercifully about the smallest of decisions in normal conditions, I cannot recognize this sense of peace of decision with this most unusual circumstance. Out of nowhere I find words about change, others on the journey.

These are days that rumble with the distant thunder of change…. We have certain things about our lives that we cannot imagine doing without, and some of them are things we shouldn’t discard…. Beyond our defining covenants, though, we are called to be willing to leave our nets, to pull down the house, to do what it takes to go when God calls. In that year that King Uzziah died, the passage ends with Isaiah answering, “Here am I, Lord; send me.” We cannot let ourselves become so convinced that we are living our best life that we are not willing to see what else God might have for us. And we have to find a way to an “Uzziah moment” when the despairing details of life pull us to a place where we see only empty nets and long nights and have no ears for those calling from the shore. DontEatAlone

Finally I said, “There is something I need to tell you. It’s not a bad thing, but it is a hard thing.” I paused for a moment on the edge of everything. On the edge of my life for the last 20 years and on the edge of whatever is to come.... Every time I told someone my burden lightened. It is VERY clear to me that this was the right decision to make. RealLivePreacher

No Time is Good

One of the reasons I am not good in choir is that I have no timing. I can't count; I can't feel it. I have to anticipate and find other cues that would lead me to hopefully come in at the right time, but it's not very accurate. I also have the same mis-timing when trying to predict the best time to say something. Even I know this is not good timing, but that is where we are.

The news that I need to share is that I will be getting off the early service planning team. I will still be coming to 8:30, and helping with audio, but I do plan to take a hiatus then as summer comes along, including Sunday School.

It's not as caustic as it first must seem. It is not about choosing sides nor power control. It is about change. Which is dreaded more? Change or Evangelism? :-)

About five years ago I had a sense that the church had a Spirit of adventure, a spirit of action and movement. I think that feeling was valid! It's amazing what has transpired!! I'm thrilled with the people who have joined and who visit. The spirit of movement is still alive. Didn't you hear Clay last week?

We all know that there are a lot of changes happening now from the budget, from the economy, from families moving - and now that same sense that told me of the changes in the church is telling me the change includes me. This is a more unconventional change because we aren't moving out of state. I didn't make much of the poem that was included in one of the Sunday School lessons before Christmas, but it was one I wrote, and the repeteated words at the end of each verse were: "there's a change in the air, there's a move by the Spirit, and I wonder, Is there a change in me?"

I have a gypsy heart. I grew up moving every two years and it's hard to explain that longing for new vistas, unless you are my sister who shares that same wanderlust. I don't consider change bad. I CAN imagine myself "seeking other seas." I have known other churches with loving congregations, and we certainly found one in Garland! I also know there are other loving people to meet. Who knows... I could even visit one near the VA! I spend as much time with those neighbors as I do with the ones in Garland, if not more! During the hiatus we plan to go camping. Dennis bought a tent over a year ago that we have yet to use. And I DO know the words of Dorothy... "There's no place like home." I foresee no absolutes in the hiatus.

I also feel strongly, that it is time for me to step away from leading our class. I am keeping someone else from finding their voice, from taking a chance, and I'm keeping the class from hearing and offering their support of that gift. It's a wonderful supportive class!! That's the only way I could have stepped out, and remained out of my normal comfort. In my ideal world I would be like wallpaper and not the chandelier, but the experience has been a blessing, not a burden. I have great hopes for what will come to pass. I know that I have to completely step away, at least for awhile, or I will drift to what is known, what is comfortable, what is safe.

I know it doesn't help that Dennis and I are private people. It's the shock of the unexpected that is catching people unprepared... and I am sorry for that.

Have I prayed? yes. How do I know? It's the feeling of being the right thing to do. One important measure tonight was that when I met with Deb and Kat, I really had few tears.... and for me that is a major test. I can't say the same will be true on Sunday, but those tears will come more from pressure of so many questions at once than from doubt or regret.Why now? In part because of the changes in early worship - but perhaps the course was delayed by those changes. The early service could have been eliminated over a year ago. It sounds frivolous and selfish to have that much preference of time, but was one of the priorities we used when first choosing churches to visit when we moved to Garland. It is also based on the fact that Dennis gets headaches when lunch is too delayed. That is just one side factor, not the determining factor.

I will always rely on our established friendships and your support. I know there will be times when I will call in need. Please do call if I can help... or if there is chili cookin!

Boy, do I miss talking about the weather!
Shalom, and with great love, nancy

A Titus Among Us

Bring another chair to the table! There’s a new family member! Titus is among us and with two syllables he commands more respect in his five days than I have in fifty years. Titus! Wow! My first reaction when I learned his name was a titan; a person with enormous power and influence!

Ben and Marcy follow an unconventional process, for 2010, when naming their children. They wait until the child is born, and with a handful of names they have favored, spend time learning about the child and studying his personality. Then they assign the right name with the bundle they hold. It must have been an impressive meeting of minds in those first few moments!

There is a lot of history that follows the name of Titus. Titus Flavius Vespasianus earned acclaim in his two short years as Roman Emperor for his military command and for his public building projects such as completing the Colosseum— and for his generosity in relieving the suffering caused by two disasters, the Mount Vesuvius eruption of 79 and the fire of Rome of 80. Interesting that in 2010 Titus Adam is born when the Haitian earthquake wrecked an entire population. He may be linked to mission and relief help long before he knows how to pound a hammer or say “Here I am Lord!”

Rather than the Roman Emperor, I believe Titus draws his namesake from the New Testament. Paul called Titus his “true son in common faith” (Titus 1:4) and wrote the Epistle to Titus giving advice and instruction to a young preacher assigned a difficult task. “Titus, show them what they should do in all matters by the good things you do. Do not mix your teaching with things that are not true. Teach in such a way that people will respect you.” (2:7 Worldwide English). Respect! There’s that word again! But he is encouraged to teach and act in a way that earns respect, not relying on people’s fickle interpretation of a name.

Marcy and Ben have ensured that they have evoked an army of saints as they raise Titus not only with their own words of wisdom, but at their ready with a handbook addressed to his name, tested in words and deeds throughout the centuries, and kept vitally alive as an example of how to do the right thing.

Welcome Titus! You have already encouraged us to live and act better! We are blessed by you, Levi and your parents, and by God whom we praise!

4God who saves us showed how kind and good he is.
5We were not saved by any good things we did ourselves, but he saved us because he is so kind. He washed us clean. We were born again as a new person. The Holy Spirit has made us new.
6God is rich. And he gave the Holy Spirit to us because of Jesus Christ our Saviour.
7He did this so that we can be put right with God, by his kindness. He did this so that we can become his children. So now we can look forward to everlasting life.
8These are true words. And I want you to tell the people these things. Then those who have believed God will try to do good things. These things are right and help people.
13Our people should learn to spend their time in doing good things to help people who are poor. In that way, our people will not waste their time. Greet those who believe as we do and who love us. God bless you all.
(Titus 3:4-8,13 -Worldwide English)

1st Advent Change

There's a change in the season
There's a change in the breeze
And the sun plays in shadows
That were longer days before.
There's a change in the air
There's a move by the Spirit
And I wonder, is there a change in me?

There’s a change in the order
There’s a change in the sky
And a star shines brighter
Than has ever shone before
There’s a change in the air
There’s a move in the Spirit
And I wonder – Is there a change in me?

There's a change in the lessons
There's a change in their tone
And the answers seem different
Than the ones we knew before
There's a change in the air
There's a move by the Spirit
And I wonder, is there a change in me?

There’s a change in the balance
There’s a change in the rules
As the least are the stronger
By the power of their love
There’s a change in the air
There’s a move in the Spirit
And I wonder – Is there a change in me?

There’s a change in the table
There’s a change in the meal
And the things that sustain us
fill a different kind of need
There’s a change in the air
There’s a move in the Spirit
And I wonder – Is there a change in me?

Weight of Dreams

My hand landed on a dog’s head and I naturally started petting it. That’s what you do when the dog’s head is right below your fingertips like Olaf, my sister’s mini-horse-sized dog whose head is always at perfect hand height. The head at my fingertips was enough to stir my sleep and evoked the natural response; obviously this must be Olaf since our dogs aren’t tall enough to reach bed level. I continued to stroke his head as a reward for not barking at the other dogs that were gathering to try and get out of the rain. But then I started to wake up a little more gradually trying to piece together how the extra dogs got into our yard, and even how Olaf was at our house. I woke up to find there were no extra dogs from neighbor’s yards, not even Olaf.

I don’t remember dreams that often, but this vivid dream added the sensory element of touch. Logic longs to take its rightful ownership of the brain, and the element of sense brings me back to what’s real. However, it was enough of a struggle that now I was wide awake and it was only 12:30am; a long time before the alarm. I checked e-mail, and wrote back to my niece that I was indeed awake and saw no way that this dream and early hour privacy could even have the consolation of spurring Positively Indecisive. Then I checked in on the blog “Real Life Preacher” whose post read “God Love the Dreamers.” I needed no spurring to read on. I can’t elevate my dream to a stature of importance, but the greater value is considering the weight of dreams.

The book, “God, Dreams and Revelation” questions what has happened to dreams in our modern world that we remember played key roles in the scriptures. Gordon Atkinson (Real Life Preacher) recognizes that our night-time dreams are too difficult to understand and our day-time dreams are too difficult to follow. He was inspired by another post of a young woman dreaming of moving to Uganda and opening homes for children, but not without mingled doubts and fears.

Oh how could He have made me for this? How could something so crazy be accepted by so many hearts? Would people tell me if they really thought my dream was un-attainable? I really can’t do this. It is impossible in every way. I need people to surround me and hold my hands up when they begin to tremble. I need people to speak destiny over my lack. I need people who will begin to pray before my lips form the request. I need hearts that will be strong when mine is breaking. I need people to share this dream with other dreamers. I need Him to break into hearts and catch them alight with His vision. I need Him to replace our eyes with His. I cannot do this as an island. http://handsbuiltformercy.wordpress.com/2009/10/12/703/

My prayer for the congregation?

Holy God, You are wondrously made. In the wonder of our dreams we may delve into a world where we step out of routine into atypical situations. In the wonder of Your dreams, logic is restrained and the uncommon is plausible. Help us to readily dream with You: for others, for growth, for spurring to action. Help us encourage Gabi and others who dream to live in your world where children laugh, the poor are fed, and the unloved find a place out of the rain.

Discovery of Promise

“Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World”
– Christopher Columbus

Even though in the south we don’t have the same regard for Columbus Day as in the northeast with their parades, speeches, and festivities, we still know the story of Christopher Columbus and the poem that made remembering this date for a history test a sure thing.

In fourteen hundred ninety-two
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He had three ships and left from Spain;
He sailed through sunshine, wind and rain.
He sailed by night; he sailed by day;
He used the stars to find his way.
A compass also helped him know
How to find the way to go.

In some ways, it is similar to the story of Abram’s spirited venture into an unknown land to greet the adventure of a promised land. Going forth without a promise of what the land would look like, a promise of an easy life, nor a promise of timeliness, but still following a promise with purpose and intention. It’s always been a testament of vision and courage at any age.

If we are called to discover our promised purpose, what could that mean to leave the Old World of comfort and beliefs and be bold enough to risk falling off the edge of that flat world for a multi-dimensional life of promise? The question, “If money was no object, if talent was no qualifier, if time was no inhibitor, what could you envision to help grow the glory of God?” may help decide a direction towards your promise. Maybe it means learning a new skill, trying a new approach, or forfeiting a fear. Maybe it means reconsidering what it means to be born in the image of God, not as a gender or a shape, but as a possibility of greatness.

What could one discover if freed from conventional ideas about planning and living and were bold enough to leave without knowing a final destination? Discover what it means to find your voice, gifts, and purposes. You aren’t alone. You have tools to direct: scripture, prayer, community and God’s promise to you. If you follow the light of the Son, a New World awaits.

My prayer for the congregation?

Dear God, You promise us worlds of potential yet we remain steadfast and inert. We are restless to discover new ideas, new lands, and new people but are contented to remain in our normal routines. Stir us to feelings of impatience and discontent towards our immobility and to seek a remedy by moving closer to You. Let us discover new ways to see, new ways to act and new ways to believe. Our old world offers a launch site; the new world offers new life. Let us sail with the winds of purpose and the stars of hope. You are there to guide and welcome. Amen