No Time is Good

One of the reasons I am not good in choir is that I have no timing. I can't count; I can't feel it. I have to anticipate and find other cues that would lead me to hopefully come in at the right time, but it's not very accurate. I also have the same mis-timing when trying to predict the best time to say something. Even I know this is not good timing, but that is where we are.

The news that I need to share is that I will be getting off the early service planning team. I will still be coming to 8:30, and helping with audio, but I do plan to take a hiatus then as summer comes along, including Sunday School.

It's not as caustic as it first must seem. It is not about choosing sides nor power control. It is about change. Which is dreaded more? Change or Evangelism? :-)

About five years ago I had a sense that the church had a Spirit of adventure, a spirit of action and movement. I think that feeling was valid! It's amazing what has transpired!! I'm thrilled with the people who have joined and who visit. The spirit of movement is still alive. Didn't you hear Clay last week?

We all know that there are a lot of changes happening now from the budget, from the economy, from families moving - and now that same sense that told me of the changes in the church is telling me the change includes me. This is a more unconventional change because we aren't moving out of state. I didn't make much of the poem that was included in one of the Sunday School lessons before Christmas, but it was one I wrote, and the repeteated words at the end of each verse were: "there's a change in the air, there's a move by the Spirit, and I wonder, Is there a change in me?"

I have a gypsy heart. I grew up moving every two years and it's hard to explain that longing for new vistas, unless you are my sister who shares that same wanderlust. I don't consider change bad. I CAN imagine myself "seeking other seas." I have known other churches with loving congregations, and we certainly found one in Garland! I also know there are other loving people to meet. Who knows... I could even visit one near the VA! I spend as much time with those neighbors as I do with the ones in Garland, if not more! During the hiatus we plan to go camping. Dennis bought a tent over a year ago that we have yet to use. And I DO know the words of Dorothy... "There's no place like home." I foresee no absolutes in the hiatus.

I also feel strongly, that it is time for me to step away from leading our class. I am keeping someone else from finding their voice, from taking a chance, and I'm keeping the class from hearing and offering their support of that gift. It's a wonderful supportive class!! That's the only way I could have stepped out, and remained out of my normal comfort. In my ideal world I would be like wallpaper and not the chandelier, but the experience has been a blessing, not a burden. I have great hopes for what will come to pass. I know that I have to completely step away, at least for awhile, or I will drift to what is known, what is comfortable, what is safe.

I know it doesn't help that Dennis and I are private people. It's the shock of the unexpected that is catching people unprepared... and I am sorry for that.

Have I prayed? yes. How do I know? It's the feeling of being the right thing to do. One important measure tonight was that when I met with Deb and Kat, I really had few tears.... and for me that is a major test. I can't say the same will be true on Sunday, but those tears will come more from pressure of so many questions at once than from doubt or regret.Why now? In part because of the changes in early worship - but perhaps the course was delayed by those changes. The early service could have been eliminated over a year ago. It sounds frivolous and selfish to have that much preference of time, but was one of the priorities we used when first choosing churches to visit when we moved to Garland. It is also based on the fact that Dennis gets headaches when lunch is too delayed. That is just one side factor, not the determining factor.

I will always rely on our established friendships and your support. I know there will be times when I will call in need. Please do call if I can help... or if there is chili cookin!

Boy, do I miss talking about the weather!
Shalom, and with great love, nancy